‘No’ is such a short word, yet it can be so hard to say.
This is the first of three blogs to help you say ‘NO’ to unwelcome requests and appreciate your personal assertive rights.
Most of us have found it hard to refuse a request at some time in our lives. How about you?
- Do you find it hard to say “NO” – to your colleagues, partner, family or friends?
- Does your gut seize up & say “NO” to the request, while your mouth opens and says “YES”?
- Do you then stress about how to get out of the corner you’ve got yourself into? All this because it’s so hard to say “NO” assertively and effectively.
What stops you saying “NO”?
You may find it easier to say NO to some people than to others. The difficulty arises when you agree for yourself or others to do things which make you feel uncomfortable, unhappy or pressured to cope with more than you can do. This is when you can feel imposed or put upon.
The inability to refuse an unwelcome request politely and clearly may even cause you to lose your work-life balance.
What stops YOU saying NO?
Here are ten common reasons:
- Feeling guilty, mean and selfish
- Feeling you won’t be liked
- A sense of obligation
- You don’t want to rock the boat
- Fear it will be held against you
- Being too worn and too tired to assert yourself
- You’ve always said “Yes” to the request so it’s hard to change the pattern
- Not knowing how to say NO
- Feeling you do not have the right to say NO, especially to someone who has authority over you or who has professional or specific expertise (eg lawyer, doctor, teacher, car mechanic or hairdresser!)
Ways you say “NO”
So when you get that unreasonable or unwanted request, what do you say or do?
- Say YES, for fear of upsetting them or getting a barrage back
- Pull a face.
- Make excuses “I’m going out”
- Say “I don’t mind”
- Try to make them feel guilty so they’ll withdraw their request.
- Say “I’ll think about it” (avoidance) without any indication of when you’ll give an answer
- Say ‘yes’ then sabotage it by not doing it, so they won’t risk asking you again.
I hope this blog has helped your understanding about what stops you saying ‘NO’ and ways you can indeed say it.
My next blog will explain your assertive personal rights and discuss the skills needed to say ‘NO’.
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