How many times have you said “I don’t mind” this week? Once, twice, several times? This
apparently innocuous phrase can adversely affect you and those that you say it to! So why say it at all?
Here are some of the reasons people cite:
- to appear nice and easygoing
- are people pleasers
- don’t want to make waves or rock the boat
- are used to letting others decide, it’s an easier option
- find it hard to make choices and decisions
In fact, each time you say, “I don’t mind”, you can seriously undermine your ability to decide for yourself. If you say it a lot, it becomes a habit, a knee-jerk reaction to being asked what you’d like to do. Indecision is also a time waster; clarity helps everyone move forward.
So, what will others really think when you say, “I don’t mind”? That you:
- genuinely can’t make up your mind … and some decisions are difficult,
- can’t be bothered,
- don’t care?
Some may take advantage of your inability or refusal to state what you want or don’t want; others may feel frustrated at the uncertainty and time-wasting.
Put yourself in the opposite shoes in this workplace example.
Suppose you are a manager, and you ask someone you manage if they’d like to lead an important project for the first time which involves chairing a committee. You feel you are giving them a real opportunity. Yet when you ask if they’d like to do it, they reply “I don’t mind”. What will you think?
Perhaps that they can’t be bothered, are disinterested, wouldn’t have the motivation to do a good job, can’t do the job?
It’s important for you as the manager to get this project right, therefore, you may decide to ask someone else who gives a more confident, interested, and positive response. In consequence the person saying “I don’t mind” loses an opportunity and ends up undermining themselves.
Here is a more assertive response to being asked to take on a project for the first time.
“Thank you for giving me this opportunity. I’m keen to do it/excited by the prospect. As I haven’t chaired a committee before, I’ll welcome some guidance, and I’ll do everything to make it a great success. I really look forward to working on it”.
When others say “I don’t mind to you”
Consider too the impact it has when others say to you: I don’t mind, you decide, whatever you think, I’ll eat what you’re having, Tea or coffee – I’ll have what you’re having!
Sometimes they are simple matters, but they can be important decisions. Large or small decision, it leaves you to do the work. Assertive responses include:
I’d like to know what you’d prefer/would like/would like to do
I don’t want to take a decision for both of us, so do let me know what you think
Indecision Quiz
Your behaviour
- Do you ever sit on the fence?
- Do you ever go with the flow?
- With which people in your life are you most inclined to act the chameleon, to go along rather than stating your preference?
- List 3 situations where you begrudgingly go along with someone else’s wishes while submerging your own
- What would you personally prefer to do if you were to make your own choices?
Others’ behaviour
- Who do you know who leaves things to you? In which situations?
- What do they say?
- How do you usually respond?
- How else could you reply?
I hope this information helps you avoid saying “I don’t mind” and to elicit clearer answers from others. Clarity means that everyone can move on, from work situations to menu dilemmas!
The above information is an extract from my online resource, “21 Days Towards a More Assertive You”, helping you to boost your personal power in only 21 days. Whether you are new to assertiveness or looking for a refresher and booster, this self-help course will make a difference.
As an exclusive offer for my readers, I am adding a free assertiveness coaching session for 30 minutes, value £45, when you purchase this resource. To secure this offer please email me by 30 November 2022.
