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Do you frequently put yourself last in your relationships?
Do you say “I don’t mind” when you do mind?
Do you lack confidence with your boss, colleagues, friend or partner?
You can greatly enhance your relationships by learning to be more assertive.
This doesn’t mean making demands and telling people what to do, but through assertive ways of behaving and communicating; expressing your feelings, views and opinions – and listening when others express theirs.
Assertiveness helps you respect yourself as well as others, seeking ‘win-win’ outcomes that consider the hopes and concerns of both parties.
We all experience difficulties in relationships at some stage. Sometimes what we say can make a real difference. Try these tips and see how you feel:
- Avoid aggressive commands like you should, ought, must, have to and can’t. Instead use the assertive “I” and express your feelings: I hope you will…or your opinion “I take the view that”, then ask them for their view… and listen
- Avoid exaggerationsand accusations “you never get things right” – this makes people defensive, paving the way for a row. Pointing the finger can only make matters worse whereas calm discussion paves the way for dialogue.
- How often do you say maybe, perhaps or possibly? These words often create confusion. Be confident, clear and polite about what you do and don’t want. Saying “I’m too tired to meet tonight” is honest & the other person knows where they stand. Better than the uncertain “I’ll see how I feel”.
Please let me know if you’d like to talk about this further. We can have a 15 minute discussion without charge, commitment or judgement. Simply contact me to arrange a mutually convenient time.
In addition, you are welcome to discover some great tips about a wide range of personal development topics through my newsletter and also by following me on Twitter.
