In my last blog, we spoke of the importance of achieving “win-win” outcomes. This means looking after yourself and not placing yourself consistently at the back of the queue.
Remember to keep your identity in any relationship. This means being aware of your views, your feelings and your wishes and expressing them appropriately, with confidence and assertiveness. This also means listening to the needs and feelings of others.
Be realistic and recognise you cannot guarantee how people will respond. Using honest dialogue you can discuss difficulties, explore possible resolutions and hopefully build more open, enduring relationships. Here are some ideas:
- Avoid putting yourself down. You and others will start to believe it when you say “I’m no good at this”.
- Putting others down might give you a momentary “high”, but will soon pull you down again. Neither putting yourself or others down will enrich a relationship, personal or professional.
- Putting yourself last, not making your needs known & thinking entirely about others’ needs seems generous. Ultimately, though, you will feel unappreciated and resentful. State your needs and ask others what they want; taking both into account.
- Avoid saying “I don’t mind”. This brief, apparently innocuous phrase, can only serve to undermine your needs. The more you say it, the less you feel able to make decisions and gradually others will cease to consult you.
Supportiveness is vital to friendships, partnerships & working relations so truly listening to those around you is essential. Pretending to listen, interrupting or turning the conversation back to yourself won’t bode well.
Poor listening is a key cause of misunderstandings.
Good listening is a great skill and a quality ingredient of good relationships.
While you will want to be a good listener to others, you too are entitled to a listening ear!
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