MAKE YOURSELF HEARD

Getting attention

Do  you ever find yourself struggling or even fighting to get some time, for a space to speak? It may be difficult to get your boss to give you time when they are constantly busy. Or you may have a friend who loves the sound of their own voice, and it’s hard to get a word in edgeways?

When it comes to meetings, if formal and well chaired, you may have more opportunity, to put your hand up, to indicate you wish to speak on an agenda point. At other times meetings or groups may be less formally conducted, people speak across each other, over each other and compete for space.

Here are some ways forward:

To ask for time to talk

Be clear about your needs, not apologetic, though polite. Avoid “I’m sorry to disturb you” or “Could I have a quick word?”, or both! Instead ask for what you want eg. “I’d appreciate ten minutes to talk about x. When would be a good time?” 

In meetings and groups                    

(1) Inform the chair or facilitator in advance that you’d like to speak about a particular point or agenda item

(2) Here are some phrases to enable you to  contribute when it’s hard to enter the conversation:

• “I’d like to come in here” or “May/can I come in here” (only if you make it sound more like a confident statement of intention than apologetically seeking permission) or say
• “I’d like to make a point here…”
• “I’m going to interrupt…”
• “I’d like to come in at this point…”
• “I’d like to contribute to the discussion…”
• “I’d like to suggest” or….. “I have a suggestion…”
• “I want to ask…”
• “I want to add…”
• “I’d like to clarify”
• “I’d like to comment on”
• “This is relevant to what I’d like to raise”
• “I’d like to explain my views/perspective on this”

If you simply try to put your point and are hesitant, it may be difficult to get into the conversation, hence the preface can pave a way for an opening. Many of these phrases also provide a way into a 1-2-1 conversation.

To put an opposing point of view   

If you disagree with an individual or several people, here are suggestions of ways to enter the conversation without being confrontational, creating potential for negotiation and co-operation:

• “I’d like to put a different perspective…”
• “I take a different view…”
• “I take a different approach…”
• “I disagree with (eg the proposal to …and state what that proposal is). My view is…” or less confrontationally, “I’d like to explain my views/perspective on this”
• “I’d like to comment on what you’ve said” then put a different viewpoint.

To encourage people/person to listen when you think they are disinclined or that they are poor listeners

“I’m going to explain x, y & z and then I’ll be interested to know what you think about…..”

This is an interesting technique, as people will only be able to tell you what they think if they listen.

When you are unprepared

When an agenda item at a meeting or an issue is raised unexpectedly in another situation & you are not prepared for it, say along the lines of:

“I’d like to defer discussion of this to (date). I was not aware it was going to be the subject of the meeting today would like time to think about it so I can make an informed comment”

Using reflecting skills

This involves picking up on something that has been said and restating some of their words: “It’s interesting what you’ve said about (use some of their words)……… and “I’d like” to add or “my view is” or “I’d like to go back to what was said earlier about (use some of their words..….”

In a professional setting, remember you are the expert in your field and others in their fields. Demonstrate that you are a good listener, respectful of others’ contributions,  and also speak with authority in a strong, measured tone of voice on your own subject & expect to be listened to.

In a personal setting, you may have seen the Assertive Charter of Rights, of which Number 11 states: I have the right to be listened to when I speak. Genuine friendships and relationships involve 2-way conversations. However, since some people are better listeners than others, you may at times want to ask to speak and be listened to.

The way forward

1. Think about times you have wanted to enter a conversation but have held back
2. Practice saying aloud the above phrases and techniques to build your confidence in entering a conversation
3. Consider how you will use them in the future at work, with friends and family

© Lucy Seifert

21 Days Towards a More Assertive You

“Making Yourself Heard” is taken from my Assertiveness Online resource, 21 Days Towards a More Assertive You, which contains 21 steps towards assertiveness. Ideally, this is one step per day which you can read and review at a time to suit you.

February Offer

Throughout February, ‘21 Days Towards a More Assertive You’ is available for just £21 (save £24). Please email me  to book and arrange payment.