Usually, each of my newsletters or blogs has a single focus such as assertiveness, goal setting, speaking or time management. This two-part newsletter/blog is different. Instead, it is a potpourri of simple steps/top tips to ease the challenges and frustrations that can beset us day to day. I start with a topic that I believe impacts everything else: assertiveness.
Assertiveness
Assertiveness involves both behaviour and communication and provides important skills for getting on in life and career and building honest relationships.
Tips
- Be very clear in your mind what you want to ask for before you ask and know what you ideally want, what you realistically expect to get, and what you’ll accept as a fallback. This clarity will give you a better negotiating stance.
- Ask politely and clearly and choose a time and place that work well for you and the person you’re asking eg. not as someone is about to rush off to meet a colleague or friend
- KISS what you say – keep it short and simple. It is said that the more you say, the less you’ll be heard
Assertiveness is a powerful form of communication that can help you with so many interpersonal situations in life, whether dealing with anger, yours, or others’, asking for something or delegating, saying no, dealing with difficult people, handling feedback and so much more.
Deadlines
There are so many deadlines over a year, whether you’re a student with essays and assignments, or meeting the multiple demands of your career. Job applications, utility bills, car MOT and tax to pay, trains, boats & planes to catch – all have their deadlines, and we need to keep track. These call for great time management.
Tips
- Use a year planner to mark in all your deadlines, so you can see them all at one glance, & so that they are constantly in view
- Don’t wait until the last minute to finish, i.e., right up against the deadline. Complete your task or project substantially earlier so that you have time to rectify any errors or make improvements well in advance of the deadline.
- Arrange to have all the help, advice, and practical resources you will need to complete your project or task at an early stage in the process, so that you don’t suddenly find too late that something is missing that prevents you completing what you set out to do
Deadlines can feel like a pressure, but they can also motivate and provide the adrenalin to achieve. Where there are no deadlines, it can be useful to set them for yourself, to give tasks and projects a sell by date!
Feelings
Many people find it hard to talk about their feelings and may do so in a way that is inappropriate. Bottling up feelings isn’t helpful to anyone yet it’s also important to know to whom you can speak openly, someone you can trust and who will acknowledge and show an understanding of your feelings.
Tips
- Don’t assume other people know how you feel. If you keep your feelings to yourself, it leaves others to assume how you feel and they can misjudge. Express your feelings when you wish to, in an appropriate way
- Don’t assume how others feel. Ask appropriately, sensitively. When others do talk about their feelings, be sure not to tell them what they ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t feel’. Listen and acknowledge.
- If you feel down, upset, or angry at someone, avoid pointing the finger and saying, “You’ve upset me” or “You’re making me angry”. This gives them all the power and they are also likely to go on the defensive. Instead take responsibility for how you feel eg. “I feel let down that you’ve decided to do x, y, z without involving me. In future I’d like to be consulted”
Feelings need to be handled sensitively, for which the skills of assertiveness and active listening play an important part. One of the worst things to say to someone who is talking about their feelings is: “I know exactly how you feel”. No one can know exactly how another feels as the experience is different for everyone. However, we can show empathy towards them.
Interviews – be prepared
It takes a great deal of thorough preparation to do well. Interviewers want to know that you have the knowledge and skills for the role and that you truly want the job and to work for them. Showing that you’re mainly interested in the remuneration and what they can do for you won’t impress.
Tips
- Research the company/organisation including from their website, know their mission and values and understand the role and how you’re a fit for both company and role.
- List the competencies required, and consider what questions you could be asked to demonstrate you have these competencies & how to provide the evidence in your answers.
- Keep an ongoing list of questions you’re asked at interviews along with any feedback you receive to refer to as an aid to future preparation.
Throughout, demonstrate your motivation to do the job and work for the company/organisation in question so your enthusiasm shines through. Show that you want this job, not any job!
Coming up
I hope you find this eclectic selection of tips helpful. More tips will follow in the next newsletter/blog including on Stress, Public Speaking and Untidiness.
