“Confidence is the greatest friend” said the ancient Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu.
Confidence means:
– believing you can do,
– doing what you believe you can do,
– doing it in a way that inspires the confidence of others in you,
– and doing it in a way that further increases YOUR confidence.
This blog focuses on five things you can stop and start in order to grow your confidence
STOP
- Using apologetic or distracting body language, such as looking down at the ground, averting your eyes, fidgeting, frowning, fiddling with your pen, folding your arms, sitting slumped and making yourself look small. Wearing clothes and accessories that are inappropriate for the occasion.
- Using apologetic or distracting verbal language, such as “I’m terribly sorry to disturb you”, “Sorry if I sound boring”, “I know this might seem a silly idea”, “you know what I mean”, “like and I’m like”, “I may be wrong”
- Comparing yourself – unfavourably or even favourably to others, assuming that you’re ‘not as good as’ whether it’s about a professional skill or a personal quality, your appearance or popularity. Conversely, stop feeling the need to point the finger at others to show or imply they are not as good as you, so you feel a bit better than them.
- Waiting for the world to come to you, sitting by the phone, waiting for others to contact you by mail, text or letter, whether for work or in your personal life. This wastes invaluable, debilitating time by wondering and waiting.
- Holding back when you have something to say – in work on a day to day basis or at meetings, with friends and family, if you don’t say what you want to say others may say it first, (and perhaps get the credit for your idea). Or – the moment may be lost and it doesn’t quite feel like the right moment ever again. When you keep quiet, it leaves others to make assumptions about what you think and feel and these assumptions may be wrong.
START
- Using body confident body language: give good eye contact without glaring or staring, ensure your gestures are open and welcoming, calm and relaxed. Stand and sit up straight and wear clothes and accessories that are appropriate and comfortable for the occasion.
- Using positive verbal language: use clear, short, statements; use the assertive “I” to put your point across at meetings: “I’d like to explain x, y and z..” , “I’d like to propose that…” or to differ “I’d like to put a different perspective”, or to ask for what you want “I’d like to ask you to …” “I’d appreciate it if you’d….”
- Focusing on YOUR skills and personal qualities: make a list of all the things you do well, whether in a work or non-work context, such as analysing, computing, listening, networking, researching, teaching and writing. What else? Make a note of your personal qualities such as being attentive, calm, constructive, enquiring, intelligent, interested, perceptive, reliable and resourceful. What else? Keep a list of your skills and qualities and add to them as you think of them. Read and remind yourself regularly of all these skills and qualities that make you unique.
- Taking the initiative: being proactive energises you and gives you greater control over your working and personal life. What have you been meaning to do, but not got around to? Who have you meant to get in touch with? Make a list of the things and people you’ve been waiting for and take the initiative. Pick up the phone, send that message or mail. Do your top three today.
- Speaking up, when you have something to say. It’s important to convey your ideas, opinions, thoughts and feelings and to do so in an assertive way that is respectful both towards yourself and towards other people, and in a way that does the topic justice and you justice.
“Let confidence be your friend accompanying and guiding you. Don’t wait till your confidence grows to act, act so your confidence grows.” (Lucy Seifert)
If you are interested in increasing your confidence, please contact me. You are welcome to a free 15 minute initial call, then a range of options are available.
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