The festive season is upon us.
It’s supposed to be a time for family, friends, and fun, for time off and the giving of gifts. However, for some it’s a poignant time of year. It can bring feelings of isolation and sad memories, of heightened feelings of loss. It can bring additional pressures and stress, with heightened competing demands of work, festivities, family, and friends. As 2022 draws to a close, many people are struggling to balance the cost of living with the joy of giving.
You may well find that demands of work and home increase as you try to clear up loose ends before the year end.
There are papers to finish, file or throw, things to tidy, the people you’ve been meaning to contact. Then there may be extra demands of social gatherings at work, with friends and family, whether you celebrate a religious festival or simply enjoy the season. If you work for yourself, you may have only yourself to rely on to get up to date before the turn of the year.
Festive frenzy
In the run up to the holiday season, practical tasks & emotional pulls can steal your time! Shopping for gifts, card writing, present wrapping, family obligations (and family politics) and office parties, and personal invitations as well as having to cope with getting on top of your work before the long break. Does this sound familiar? How can you get things done and enjoy the frivolity?
There are so many expectations of you during this time of year. It can be difficult – even impossible – to meet everyone’s demands. This is one of the most common issues that people bring to me as a coach; “How can I please everyone?” “If I please her, I’ll offend them”.
However, in the words of musician and singer Stevie Wonder: “You can’t base your life on other people’s expectations.” So how can you be fair to yourself whilst respecting others?
Here’s how to keep things under control and give a precious gift to yourself: some ‘me time’.
Seven suggestions to survive the season
1. Plan to be in control…
Planning saves you time and helps you feel in control. Just five minutes of planning can save a whole hour of time!
So, sit down and take stock of all that needs to be done and that you want to get done. Take control of any overwhelm.
Write a list, rather than hold it in your head. Prioritise the tasks and start with the most important. Tick them off as you do them; that’s a lovely feeling.
Be decisive about your tasks. Do them or ditch them. If you’re not sure about something, or how to go about it, place that task in a “Dilemma” tray or box to come back to. Don’t let it hold you up; and don’t forget it altogether. Schedule in a time to return to it. This works both professionally and personally.
2. Have the strength to say ‘no’ to some invitations
Having a proper discussion with people can help pre-empt or at least minimise any feelings of rejection they could feel if you want to refuse an invitation. Reassure them, if they’re close to you, that you care, explain the circumstances, and find a ‘win-win’ solution for everybody.
Ever said ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’? It’s lovely to receive an invitation; but be honest from the start and listen to your initial ‘gut’ feeling. Resist pressures that make you feel guilty. Why commit to seeing absolutely everyone when you know you’ll be so rushed and not have as much time as you’d like to spend with some people? Tell them from the start that you’d love to see them over the holiday season (if feasible) and suggest a day on which you can visit. It’s your assertive right to say yes or no… and to look after yourself at this busy time of year. However, there may be work related gatherings or 1-2-1 get togethers and initiatives that are beneficial networking opportunities.
3. Have the courage to say “no” to work
This is potentially difficult and it’s important to fulfil your contractual obligations. However, you may want to push back where you feel there are unreasonable demands such as being asked to stay late without notice, or when you have arrangements to go out. If you want to say “no”, explain what you can and cannot do now, and how when you can do the work, showing a willingness to do, at a time that suits.
4. Shop with simplicity…
Seasonal shopping is far easier online if you’re short of time. Here’s how to make it easy but do it early to ensure it arrives in time.
- Suggest family & friends make a Wish List – the easiest shopping and safest presents! They can do this with one shop or online platform, a provide a list with links to the items they want
- Make sure you join in – make your own Wish List.
- Try Secret Santa: everyone buys – and receives – one anonymous present, saving a small fortune in large gatherings!
However, if you prefer shopping for real, plan it, ideally choosing less busy times of day and making a list to take with you.
5. Be true to your needs, set boundaries
This year, how about setting limits on what you’ll do? Tell your family: “I love cooking and seeing you all. I’m too tired to do it all myself this year so I’d find it very helpful if everyone brings a dish”. No apologies, no excuses, simple honesty!
It’s your time too! The festive season brings so much expectation with it. Be considerate and honest – with others and yourself. If you assume responsibility for everyone else’s fun, you must think of the toll on you.
6. Coping with Christmas alone
Many people, however, do not have family or friends to share this time with; perhaps they’ve moved away, or there’s been loss or division in the family or among friends and you won’t be spending time with those you feel closest to. Coping over holiday periods like this can be even more difficult. It can be helpful, therefore, to plan ahead rather than simply let things happen.
Here are some suggestions to mull over and act upon those you’d find helpful …
- Make a list of things you enjoy doing and/or energise you and when you will do them and people you’d like to be in touch with.
- Send messages and cards this week, and maybe arrange to meet up, go for a meal or a walk.
- On Christmas Day, be sure to eat your favourite foods.
- There are interesting online programmes such as Heygo, where you can travel the world without stepping outside.
- Be adventurous and book a trip with a solo company like Just You or maybe one that includes an activity you enjoy, such as Solo Walking Holidays.
- If you want to help others, contact an organisation like Crisis at Christmas.
7. Give yourself a ‘Me’ Day
Remember to have some ‘Me’-time at this YOU-time of the year. Give yourself a gift of kindness as well as others.
Put in your diary/calendar an appointment with yourself to have a ‘Me’ day or 2 x half days, whichever fits your lifestyle more easily. This is time for you, doing what you want to do, whether relaxing by yourself or with others, pursuing a goal that’s important to you, or doing something you enjoy like going to the gym or cinema. Avoid finding reasons why you ‘can’t’. It’s a reward for all the time and emotional energy you’ve given to others. Enjoy your ‘Me’ time, enjoy today!
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present” (Anonymous)
I hope that you found these tips to be interesting and helpful. Whilst they are created with the festive season in mind, you could apply them assertively at any time of year.
Wishing you the best for the festive season, whichever festivity you celebrate, and a positive New Year 2023.
If you would like an appointment over the holiday period – either about issues you’re dealing with or making positive change in the coming year – please email me to arrange. I will aim to reply within 48 hours.
